i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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