Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
