What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
