the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
