3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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