i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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