I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
