That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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