so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
