I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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