There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
