i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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