I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
