That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
