Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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