yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
