1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
