holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
