i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
