Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
