You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
