I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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