It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
