dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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