I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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