I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is it because I queefed?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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