I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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