in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
