im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
