This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
