At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
