I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
