I want to stick my p in your. b.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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