dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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