Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
