So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
