I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
