so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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