Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
