I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
