i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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