im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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