Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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