She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
