Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
