1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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