When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
