Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
