Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
