Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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